the gift that keeps on giving

Toby's story begins in the early 18th century. Feeling like a rebellious teen, Toby defies his mother and visits a carnival that is passing through town. The carnival happens to be a joint venture of a vampire named Ivor and a siren. The two have a deal where Ivor uses the carnival as a means of luring people in to feed to the siren. Toby is initially attracted to the carnival for a glimpse of the bear, befriends Ivor instead. He's soon set up to be siren chowder, but Ivor saves him at the last minute. Toby is unaware of the siren, and believes that he was attacked by the bear. When faced with death, Toby consents to being turned into a vampire by Ivor. After a one night crash course in vampirism, Ivor dines and dashes, and Toby is left to figure out how to survive on his own.

Toby survives for a few centuries, gets into Back to the Future and Wordsworth, and eventually meets Dorian Gray in 1986. While there is some fun to be had, Toby has also become a victim of immortal angst, growing exhausted with the fleeting nature of life after so many centuries. In a case of sadistic courtship, Toby systematically swaggers his way into Dorian's system by means of vampire allure and rejects him just as quickly for a few months before finally laying it all out and asking Dorian to eternally be his BFF. Toby offers Dorian something he hasn't had for a very long time: someone who is immortal like him. Dorian says yes, and they hang out for most of the eighties, until Dorian paints Toby's hella hot and sexy picture. Having been unable to see his own image for centuries, Toby's issues come to the surface when confronted with himself. He views himself as monstrous, as someone with a decayed soul, and he is repulsed by his own cold and dead nature. These self-image issues become impossible for him to ignore when he sees just what he looks like to Dorian. A few weeks later, he chooses to end his own life in the same place where him and Dorian met.

Flashforward to 2014 when Dorian visits a tarot card reader and is granted his heart's desire, which results in Dorian unknowingly resurrecting Toby. Toby is surprised to say the least to discover himself alive, well, and naked on a beach. He puts together an outfit from a thrift shop like he's Macklemore, and heads to Dorian's place. After some shock and anger, they are tossed into adventures as Ivor appears at Dorian's door. Ivor claims he is there to escape the siren's hold, but he is actually to trick Dorian into being the siren's eternal feast and run off with Toby. Toby figures out what is happening, takes care of Ivor, and saves Dorian. Before they really have time to recuperate from that adventure, Toby and Dorian find themselves invited along to a gallery by Victoria Lowell. Toby's resurrection has been something Victoria has been trying to orchestrate, in order to use Toby's love for Dorian to bring to life Dorian's soul that is trapped within Dorian's painting. Victoria succeeds in bringing Dorian's soul to life. This soul quickly goes to seek revenge on Dorian, his first order of business being to kill Toby in order to hurt Dorian. Dorian, knowing that it's Toby's love that brought his soul to life, realizes he has to break Toby's heart to save them both. Using Toby's image issues from the eighties, Dorian rejects Toby. In breaking Toby's heart, Dorian is able to defeat his soul, but in the process alienates Toby. Despite the way things seemed to end, Toby returns to Dorian's place to see if the two of them can give it another go. And then we are left with a cliffhanger, which is as good a point as any to introduce Toby to another world.

⌈It's like he'd got dressed in the dark! Scruffy collar, torn sleeves a mass of ruffled hair. He looked good, though.⌋
❝'Course I did.❞
⌈And he knew how to make an entrance. The moment he entered the building, everyone took their eyes off me. It was as though they sensed his presence. People parted wherever he walked and I couldn't take my eyes off him, not once.⌋
❝You told me I was the most beautiful man you'd ever seen.❞
⌈And I've looked in a mirror.⌋

First thing's first, Toby's the realest, realest. Actually, first thing's first, first impressions. So, Toby knows how to make an entrance. He's the kind of guy who when he walks into a room, people will notice. The powers of vampire swag, people. That being said, he's not always the most put together guy. He can come off as scruffy at times, and his fashion sense is well, lacking, to say the least. Whatever image issues he has, Toby knows he looks good, and he knows that other people think he looks good, too. Toby's power of swagger and the first impression he leaves are evident in his early encounters with Dorian, that left the usually smooth Dorian speechless. He is, in Dorian's words, a monster dressed in denim. Toby has a sort of confidence that comes from not caring, and that in turn gives him a certain level of charisma as well. There is also an awkward politeness at times, thanks and apologies and snide remarks can all be fit into the space of one exchange, something that was evident in his interactions with the greeter at the gallery, Victoria, random bartenders and drivers, the never-confirmed-but-almost-certainly-satan figure, and even those he's close to, such as Dorian or Ivor. The more he knows someone, the less polite he's bound to be, but there is still a small layer of courtesy somewhere.

❝I'd gone dressed as Marty McFly. / Always had a soft spot for Wordsworth, mind. / Eat your heart out, John Wayne.❞

Despite the immortal angst that lies ahead, one of the first things about Toby is he is very young. He is trapped in a sort of suspended adolescence, as a result of being turned into a vampire at such a young age. One of the ways this can be seen to manifest is in an appreciation and enthusiasm for pop culture in the nerdiest fashion possible. He is quick to make a reference whenever possible. He becomes excited over whatever piece of culture has caught his fancy at a particular time. He will wear a Back to the Future costume for Halloween in one scene, and in the next he will fanboy shamelessly over his favourite Romantic poet. Toby has a tendency to turn to these outlets when he's feeling frustrated or upset. Throughout the series he can often be found reading Wordsworth when he's feeling particularly uncertain. He is a loser. Shameless fanboying needs the emphasis put on shameless, too, as he doesn't shy away from the things he likes just because some people may or may not appreciate their true beauty, Dorian. The solace he finds in poetry or films or other popular media might also come down to a certain immortality that creative works achieve. They don't decay or fade like so many other things do, and he can find solace in knowing that poetry and films and whatever other piece of culture catches his own fancy has a permanence he can fall back onto when everything else seems to be falling apart.

❝It's a tiny phone! Does everyone have one of those?❞

That youthful (and embarrassing) enthusiasm can also be seen in his reaction to the changes in the world around him after he returned from the dead. Toby is easily excited over new and novel things. He doesn't even try to contain his shock and awe at a 'tiny phone.' Technology in general is something that intrigues him. He has seen progress and change through the ages, and he gladly embraces technology. The embracing of technology can be seen as a way of rejecting those very supernatural elements that he identifies as making him monstrous. Toby would rather subscribe to a world of science and advancement, one where new beauty and life can be created, as opposed to the archaic world that belongs to vampires and the 18th century. That doesn't mean he doesn't embrace some nostalgia, of course. However, Toby's nostalgia tends to fall into one of two extremes: ironic (a vampire living in a converted Gothic cathedral) or sincere (he loves you Wordsworth). Apart from that, Toby is someone who wants to look to the new world, to new changes that might make him forget his immortal angst, at least momentarily. He doesn't like to talk about the past for a reason. He does his best to embrace now as a way of dealing with his own issues. It doesn't always work, but being able to be stupidly excited over technology at least helps a little.

❝You're seriously asking us to believe you've got a pet siren?❞

While Toby embraces technology as a means of rejecting the old world that created him, he also deals a heavy amount of skepticism to those very elements in order to undermine their importance, too. He is a vampire dating an immortal man who was just brought back from the dead thanks to an enchanted deck of tarot cards....yet, when confronted with the possibility of Ivor, his sire, working with a siren, Toby rejects it outright as preposterous. Toby very much lives in the world of the supernatural, yet he doesn't even hesitate in dismissing the idea of a supernatural creature's existence. Toby's skepticism also comes down to a lot of trust issues. He is someone who cannot believe something if it's not directly in front of him, if it hasn't been turned over and tested and prodded and proven to really exist. Tiny phone elicit shock and the idea of a siren living at a circus that is run by a vampire seems beyond belief for Toby. Until he really has something concrete, he can never trust that it really exists.

❝And so. With his curiosity piqued, his appetite whetted, and several months of ritual humiliation under his belt, eventually I relented. I'm nice like that. ❞

Toby's need for concrete proof can be seen in the way he interacts with those around him. His courting process as far as Dorian was concerned involved testing Dorian in many ways that both humbled and humiliated Dorian. This was for two reasons: first, he needed to make sure that Dorian was the real deal, and second, because he wanted to make sure that Dorian would want him in return. In fact, Toby outright says "I needed to be sure," to Dorian as a way of explaining just why he had led Dorian on for so long before revealing his true nature. Toby is an insecure mess with trust issues, and so he tests people around him. On top of that, he's kind of a bratty jerk at times. Toby can also be hypocritical and selective with what he chooses to remember or focus on at any given moment. This can be seen as he asks Dorian why he didn't stop Toby from killing himself, despite the fact that Dorian did try to stop him. It's also seen when Toby reveals his vampire nature to Dorian, telling Dorian that he "didn't choose this," despite the dubious consent he offered Ivor when he was turned into a vampire. He's not above embarrassing people in ways that aren't about gaining or building trust as well. He will make a scene in public if it will make the other person give him what he wants. Toby does just this in "Heart and Soul," when he gets down on his knees in the middle of a busy pub and begs Dorian to help him get to the bottom of Ivor's return. Dorian finally relents, if only to make Toby stop drawing attention to them. Just like with his nerdiness, he is a shameless manipulator when the inclination hits him. As much as these tendencies are built around his own insecurities, he can put on this act with a smugness and a sense of humor, too. Ritual humiliations can be equal parts sadistic or humourous, depending on what mood appeals to him that day. When he feels he's proven whatever he needs to prove, he's also capable of putting the attitude away for a while. After all, he is nice like that.

❝It broke when you abandoned me.❞

All of this skepticism and this need to prove things comes down to Toby's trust issues. Toby has a lot of abandonment issues that he has difficulty hiding. His father left at a young age, and so there are the requisite daddy issues. Once Toby was turned into a vampire, his sire Ivor ditched him without any warning, just compounding on these very deep rooted issues. Toby never had time to work them out, either, as the immortality he gained from becoming a vampire made it almost impossible to find any real stability in other people. People were fragile. Whenever he began to care for someone, they would age and decay, just like everything else around him. Soon it became difficult to even become invested in anyone or anything, as there was no such thing as a constant, and people would inevitably disappoint him and he would be left on his own once more. It is why someone like Dorian was so appealing to him. Dorian was a constant in a world Toby thought was totally devoid of anything or anyone with real staying power.

❝I've seen the way she looks at you. She wants you.❞

On top of those trust issues, Toby also has some jealousy issues as well. These really come to the surface once Victoria Lowell enters the picture. After dying and returning, Toby is left unsure of what his status is as far as Dorian is concerned, and more importantly, what kind of status he event wants. Toby's fear of abandonment hugely drives his jealousy. He can barely conceal his jealousy as far as Victoria is concerned, growing paranoid when Dorian mentions her name and insisting that Victoria is interested in Dorian for more than just his abilities to be a one-man immortal Scooby Doo gang. Toby also exhibits some jealousy when it's revealed that Ivor came looking for Dorian in order to escape the siren. Toby has more or less always felt alone in the world. He admits to both Dorian and Victoria that he doesn't have anyone except for Dorian. The thought of Dorian growing bored or repulsed by him becomes that much more terrifying, and that means that his jealousy only grows as well. It also means he can be hurt over unfair things, such as Dorian being able to survive for decades after Toby's death. Dorian is the only person Toby feels he has in the world, and the thought of Dorian having a world that feels complete without Toby is painful, to say the least.

❝You can't imagine how it feels, thinking you're something else. I've forgot what I used to be, because I had to.❞

Toby's fears of Dorian becoming repulsed by Toby stem from Toby's own self-image issues. Toby is very much disgusted by his own nature. It's a disgust that he can't hide, he is ashamed of his cold flesh, of his dead skin, of everything that marks him as something undead and not human. It is this very disgust that Dorian would later use to break Toby's heart. Toby himself embodies the death and decay he sees everywhere around him. Unable to see his own reflection for centuries, Toby had done a decent job of convincing himself he was something monstrous and completely different from the boy he had been when he was still human. Toby was alone in his own world for many years. The humans around him were fragile and any life he attempted to build was fleeting, as the world fell apart and rebuilt itself around him for centuries. Toby was forced to forget those parts of himself that formed human attachments, and so he had to start thinking of himself as something other than human. It isn't until he meets Dorian that he begins building a real relationship again with a real sense of commitment, having finally found someone who isn't beholden to time and mortality. Through his relationship with Dorian, Toby begins to rediscover those long buried pieces of himself that were part of the human he once was. It's for this very reason that Dorian's painting of Toby had so much impact. Toby had not seen his own reflection for years, so to see an image that looked so much like the boy he had remembered being was a shattering experience. He could no longer forget what he had been, or the ways in which that boy had seen the world that Toby could not. When presented with this image of himself, Toby held it for hours, scrutinizing it silently, before finally coming to the conclusion that he couldn't fake or forget anymore.

❝You see so much beauty around you, Dorian. I don't. All I see is all the death and the decay. Those stars should be magnificent but they're not. They're burning up. Imploding. Fading away. Those cliffs that are such a spectacle to you, they're just eroding. Crumbling. Falling. I can't see the beauty in them anymore. And that painting you did of me, that man died a long, long time ago now. The body lives on, but the soul within has rotted. Perhaps it's time the body joined it?❞

The painting Dorian had made for Toby finally made Toby see just how twisted his own perspective had become over the years. He realized he was living a lie. He realized that there was beauty somewhere in the world still, he unlike Dorian and unlike the boy he had been, was just unable to see it anymore. Where others saw beauty, Toby only saw death. He even saw traces of decay where there wasn't any, such as the lines he perceived on Dorian's face. The idea of living in a world of darkness, blind to any real beauty, became an unbearable idea for Toby. Even when he thought he found something that was stable, like Dorian, he realized his own distorted world view would probably do the work that time and mortality had been doing on everyone Toby had known before Dorian appeared. Toby knew he was delaying the inevitable. Instead of dragging it out, he decided it was time to end it all. But, before he went, he wanted to try to find some beauty in the world that he had forgotten. He asked Dorian to stay and watch the sunrise with him, and with what he thought would be his last request, he turned to ash over beach-side cliffs with Dorian at his side.

❝We shouldn't just let these chances pass us by. I spent a lifetime with 'what ifs.' What if my father had never left me? What if I had never met Ivor? What if he hadn't saved me? So no, I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna let us or that potential become just another if. That's why I'm back here asking, in spite of everything.❞
⌈Do you really think it's that simple?⌋
❝I don't know. Probably not. Does that mean we shouldn't try?❞

At least, that should have been Toby's last request. Thanks to the power of a Dorian's heart's desire (really), Toby was brought back to life. Dorian didn't do this intentionally, but Toby was back nonetheless. In Toby's last moments before he had died, he realized he wanted to live, but it had seemed too late. Now, though, he was given another chance at life. Toby's new start allowed him the opportunity to finally get closure with Ivor. Toby gained something he had been unattainable to him for centuries: the ability to truly reconcile with his past. In a weird way, coming back to life may have been the best therapy Toby could have ever gotten. Life had regained its fleeting nature. Toby knew he could die, that his life could end, and that his resurrection, while unexpected, was a gift. In gaining his own second chance, Toby also gave Dorian's trapped soul a second chance at life. Victoria used Toby's love for Dorian (yes, really), to bring Dorian's soul to life (I repeat: yes, really). In order to destroy his soul (you know the drill: yes, really), Dorian had to break Toby's heart (yup, yup, really truly). In order to break Toby's heart, Dorian had to attack Toby with all of Toby's worst fears. Dorian hit on Toby's body issues, as he expressed repulsion at Toby's dead flesh. Dorian also hit on Toby's abandonment issues, when Dorian claimed he didn't really care for Toby, he only wanted what Toby represented. Hurt feelings abounded, and after Dorian's soul had been returned to the painting (really, really, truly, really), Dorian tried to explain that none of the things he said about Toby were really true, but in a way, breaking Toby's heart allowed the two to air out a lot of dirty laundry and hurt feelings. In the past, Toby may have left it at that and moved on to something new. However, after a little while spent with some Wordsworth, Toby realized he didn't want to live that way anymore. He didn't want to live a life that was all about guarding himself from whatever pain he imagined was coming. Toby could not live a life of 'what if' anymore. So, he went to Dorian, fully accepting that rejection was an option, and made a proposal for a fresh start. Toby's return, and all the pain and heartbreak that have come with it have actually been a sort of catharsis, giving Toby the courage to actually engage in life instead of observing it as some sort of eroding monument that needed to be navigated from a safe distance. Toby had spent centuries avoiding life because of the possibility of loss. Only now is he ready to take those gambles that will make this new chance at life worth living.

≼vampire strengths≽

☑ strength: thanks to vampirism, Toby is stronger than your average bear. In canon, he tore someone's head off, so...yeah. So there is some higher than average strength going on.
☑ healing: Another perk of vampirism is that he's able to heal once he feeds off of another human. Healing is not immediate if he doesn't feed, and injuries can take it out of him.
☑ charisma: Vampirism has bestowed Toby with a certain level of charm and swagger as well. When he walks into a room, people notice. He also has an intoxicating presence which can be addictive, something that can be seen in his effect on Dorian. This could have something to do with that run-in with a siren before he was turned, too. The siren's effect on the carnival was similar to what Toby's effect had been on Dorian.
☑ eternal youth and beauty: It's been centuries, but Toby hasn't aged at all from when he was turned. His looks, again, are also something that people notice, although this may be more related to the charisma than his actual physical appearance.
☑ heightened senses: While in vampire mode, Toby's senses are much more keen. After having these heightened senses for centuries, Toby's perception seemed to shift towards the decay around him, which made him able to see flaws and cracks in things much more clearly.
☑ speed: Toby's speed has been noted in canon as well. When Dorian tried to leave Toby's house, Toby was at the door before Dorian was even aware Toby was moving. He's not usually zipping around like the Flash, but he can move if need be.

≼vampire weaknesses≽

☒ sunlight: This one is a biggie. Exposure to sunlight is deadly. It burns, it's painful, it has a tendency to turn him into ash. SPF 2000 would not help. So yeah, no sunlight.
☒ lack of reflection: Another perk of being a vampire is having no reflection. When he's in front of a mirror there is nothing in the mirror. Same goes for video or camera images. So, video over the network is almost definitely out.
☒ stakes in the heart/beheading: As much as he has all that eternal youth and beauty, he is still susceptible to pretty basic vampire deaths: sunlight, stakes, beheading, etc.
☒ bloodthirst: Oh yeah, and being a vampire means he has to drink human blood, a lot. So...that is awkward.

≼miscellaneous life skills≽

☒ nerdiness: Toby likes books, films, television, video games, technology, whatever. He will likely geek out on these things. Indulge him. He might also go off and read Wordsworth in a corner sometimes. He is weird.
☑ bartending: Toby can make a mean drink if he wants. Just because he lives off of blood, it doesn't mean he can't enjoy the occasional cocktail.
☒ fashion: This would definitely be a weakness. He dresses horribly. It's embarrassing. Sorry world.
☑ painting: Toby is actually a really good painter. Who knew he could sometimes do things well? He's even a decent art teacher. He taught Dorian to paint. Enough said.